Step 1 done, Step 2 done, wait

Hello all

As you've probably noticed in my last few entries, I've not exactly been the picture of perfect mental health. I have mentioned in a few blogs in the recent past that I have often been questioning my mental health and I think it was important to question that as I have now done the most important thing, admitting I have a problem.

In recent years I have slowly alienated those closest to me and it cost me some of the closest people to me. Marinda, despite her many flaws, could always make me laugh and was loveable in her own way. Jodi, despite her flaws, was generally a good friend, and it's the falling apart of the friendship with her which is what has sparked all of this off.

I also think I am a bit delusional as I have often thought that I was better than most people at various things. For example, when I used to play football in the Sunday League for Flintham, Collingham and Branston, I always used to question why I wasn't getting played as I was the only striker regularly scoring in training for all three, but not only did I never actually perform when it mattered, but I have always been shit at football. I may have the odd good game every few months, but largely I am shocking at football, and yet I was always questioning why I wasn't playing.

I could go on listing my flaws but I'm pretty sure most of you have a good idea as to my flaws anyway.

So yeah, admitting that I have a problem was the first step and this morning I have taken the important second step, seeking help. Yesterday I obtained the names and numbers of some counselling and therapist services in the Lincoln area and sent various emails out.

Step 1 : Admit the problem
Step 2 : Start finding help
Step 3 : Stop being a fuckhead