Emotions just get in the way

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

That has pretty much been my last two months or so.

Emotions - Annoying little bastards

You know what I've realised now that I am at stage 5? Emotions do nothing but cause trouble. For the third time in my life I let the emotion of love get in the way of seeing things for what they really were with regards to certain people.

The thing is that I didn't even realise this until the other day when a friend said to me ""Care about being a good person, not what other people think," and that got me thinking. It got me thinking that I am constantly trying to change myself to get other people to like me, but that quote made me realise that if my so called friends can't accept me for who I am, then they're not worth it.

For some people in the last year or so I have tried desperately to change myself to be more like them. I tried (and failed) to like the same type of music as they did, I thought about buying games that they played (I didn't because they're mainly first person and I get ill when playing first person) and various little things like that. It's now that I'm only at stage 5 that I realised I was trying to change myself for people who probably don't give a shit about me.



Abraham Lincoln
His quote was used in
American History X



I have always said that my door is always open for anyone to speak to me about anything, I always had an open door policy, but now that door is well and truly shut to all but three or four people. I am no longer going to let my judgement be comprimised by emotion. I will help those who help me, but as I say, my open door policy is now over.

I realise now that emotion just gets in the way, emotion clouds your judgement and deludes you into seeing something that isn't genuine. So from now on you're going to see a change in me, I am going to go back to how I used to be and be reserved with my emotions. I am no longer going to change just to suit others, I may be your friend, but that's as far as it will go for anyone other than 3 or 4 people. I don't mean this in an offensive way and don't get me wrong, I will still talk to people and be their friend, but I've been far too open for far too long with people, so it's time for a change.

And before I end this little blog, I'm going to leave you from the final speech from one of my favourite films, American History X.

"So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it. Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.'