Today I discovered a new band that I have quickly fallen in love with, Sweden's Future Idiots. It's the first time in nearly 3 years that I have fallen in love near enough instantly with a new band, and the ironic thing is that it came accidentally. I can't recall what I was watching at the time but on the right hand side of Youtube there is the usual links, and I went to click one but ended up pressing the wrong one, a link to Future Idiots' cover of Blink 182's "Even if She Falls" and I was hooked.
Within seconds I was browsing their back catalogue, mainly consisting of covers, but I fell in love near enough instantly with this band and they have not only done a brilliant job covering a lot of songs I love (including some you would never expect to be covered by a rock band), but they have turned some of them into very different songs, such as the aforementioned Blink 182's "Adam's Song"
Future Idiots
It's the first time since discovering Canterbury that I have been this into a band so soon after first hearing them, and Canterbury are now arguably my favourite band. This is different from when you hear a popular band for the first time, it's a lot different when you're probably the first person you know to hear new bands, and given that none of my Facebook friends currently like Future Idiots' page on there, I think I can safely say that they aren't well known over here. Canterbury were much the same and whilst they're starting to grow a decent sized fanbase, it took me near enough literally dragging my friends Charlie and Luke to one of their gigs to actually get any of my friends to like them.
I love discovering new music like this, it gives me motivation and I don't discover enough new bands that I think are good enough, certainly not to the level where I spend a long time listening to their back catalogue in the first day. But anyway, here are some of my favourite songs of their's that I have listened to today. Enjoy.
Whilst listening to a song I was going to post on a forum, I got thinking about some EPIC songs that I know and I wanted to share some of them with you. I'm not talking about songs that last a long time, or those that are considered major hits, but rather those that just make you feel amazing, or you imagine great moments of your life happening with these songs in the background.
I'm going to share some of these songs with you now. Enjoy.
In recent weeks I have been having several interviews for a company that I won't mention and I had gotten really excited by the opportunity, however, I was denied at the last hurdle as, after having a final interview and assessment, I was told that I had been unsuccessful. I was disappointed by the rejection, but rather surprisingly, I have taken a lot of positives out of the situation.
I am in the fortunate position of currently being in employment anyway, so I'm not in the situation that unemployed people are in and desperately needing the job, I wanted the job, which I think makes somewhat of a difference. In a way that whole process was a no lose situation for me, either I got a job that I was passionate about, or I stayed with my current employers, either way I would be employed at the end of it, so in that sense I am lucky.
It all started a few weeks ago with a small telephone based interview, an interview which I personally felt didn't go particularly well, but I was still offered an interview at the local branch of the company that I was applying for. The interview lasted an hour and fifteen but it was quite bizarre in the sense that I am sort of friends with the person who interviewed me, so it felt a bit strange being interviewed in those circumstances, but everything worked out well in that sense as I was offered a place on the assessment day. I turned up (after walking 7 miles to get there might I add.....I didn't realise how far it was from the station) and over four different parts of a final interview and assessment, I personally thought that I did very poorly and to be honest wasn't confident of my chances of getting the job.
I waited several days before receiving the phone call that confirmed that I had been unsuccessful, however, it was actually quite a good experience. The interviewer confirmed that I had met all the criteria for the type of person they were looking for, but pointed out that although I had met the criteria, they are looking for those that exceed the criteria. I was advised the this was the reason I didn't get the job but they were otherwise impressed with me and that they encourage that I reapply in a few months time as there will always be jobs for the right people. They also noted I seemed nervous, which is understandable given it was my first interview for some time, and that might have contributed.
Just like this bloke, I am now determined.....thankfully
I don't have to push a rock up a hill, but you get the idea
That last bit is why I am taking this quite well considering. Although I may have been unsuccessful, it's encouraging to know that I impressed and that they believe that with a bit more confidence and other small factors, that there would be a place for me in their company. I have also spoken to the branch manager I mentioned earlier that I didn't get the job (I had phoned for something else) and she offered to help me prepare for next time if needed, which is cool.
All of that has given me a lot of motivation and I am now more determined than ever to progress with my career. I have worked hard to get to a stage like this, including taking a LOT of qualifications, and I believe that I am on the verge of finding that satisfaction and challenge that I crave, and whether that be with my current employers, this company that I had an interview for, or others, I am now ready to make that step up....and I am hungry for it.
Firstly, onto the song of the moment. This week it's "Duality" by Slipknot. Now, I'm not much of a Slipknot fan but they're great if you're in a bad mood, and that's how I have spent most of the last week or so, so yeah, this describes quite well how I have spent most of the time since my last blog entry.
As some of you know, it has been a bit of a difficult week for me, and a select number of you know exactly why. It's nothing I can get into but let's put it this way, I did something that almost completely fucked everything up. I won't go into more details but let's put it this way, what I'm about to write wouldn't have happened if I wasn't as lucky as I was.
Either way, despite the positivity of today, I can't wait for this week to just be over.
But anyway. Back in September I took my first official steps towards becoming Kate on a physically level. I was told that although there were no obvious reasons why I couldn't start becoming physically female, I would first need to have a blood test done and have a psychiatric evaluation, well today I completed the latter part of that after having the blood test several weeks ago, so hopefully everything is now in place and works out so that I can begin the process of becoming a woman.
The blood test is a bit of a sketchy area for myself as I am looking at the numerous pieces of paper and it means precisely nothing to me. All I can see is a lot of words and numbers on a bit of paper, I have no idea what is actually means, afterall, I'm not a trained doctor. I have been told by my GP that all is fine with the results and that I haven't got any blood diseases, which is always good to hear, but whether the test results are good in away that means I can start the hormones then all is good.
With regards to the psychiatric evaluation, well, that's a bit up in the air as it's all down to interpretation. I mean I hope it went well, the psychiatrist didn't give any indication that something was amiss or that she would recommend that I don't start on the hormones, so hopefully everything will work out fine. I will officially find out on December 4th whether I can start hormones or not, but all being good, I will finally start the physical journey of becoming a woman.
It's quite strange in many ways because this is a time that I never thought would happen. I have always wanted to be female but I just thought it would be one of those things that I would never actually do. I always thought it would be one of those things that would never become more than just a dream, so I can't put into words how strange it is that it is happening. Although this might also sound weird, it's also strange when people refer to me in a female context at the moment. For example, I was in a conversation with two other people last week and when referencing me they said "but she might mean something else," and although I am delighted to be on my way to becoming female, being referred to in a female context is one of the strangest feelings at the moment, but in a good sense.
I think it's one of many things that will take a bit of time getting used to. For example, I imagine it will take a bit of getting used to having breasts (such as the weight of them, the movement, and various other parts that relate to those, or having (and having no choice about it) to sit down whenever I go to toilet, there are so many small differences that are going to take a while to get used to, but it's something that I am looking forward to in so many senses because at least having to get used to them means that I will actually be who I want to be and be living how I want to live. It's an exciting prospect that although I am nervous as hell about, I am also eagerly anticipating.
It's been a while since I wrote a blog so I figured I'd give you all an update on my life....which I'm sure you're all thrilled about :P.
Firstly, a new feature of my blog.....song of the moment.....this week it's Good Charlotte's "Counting the Days"
Before I say anything else, November 1st marked the 24th birthday of Megan, one of my good friends over the last five or so years. Megan is my favourite American (not a very wide open category it must be said) and was there throughout my struggles of the past few years and although we haven't spoken for some time, she will always have a special place in my heart.
Moving onto other subjects, a few days ago marked the six month landmark of living in Newark and it's been an interesting six months to say the least. Newark's a strange place to live, it's small and there's not really a lot to do, but it's nice in many ways. Although there are a LOT of chavs, in general I've not had too many problems with anyone, which is surprising. Infact, I've been to several different places since coming out as being transgender and the only place I have had problems in is Lincoln.
So yeah, I've been living in Newark for the past six months and the last two have been spent in a house-share with someone who I have mentioned in a previous blog. He really is a bizarre piece of work. Earlier I was in the kitchen, he walks in and the following conversation occurs......
Him : Hello
Me : Hi
Him : Could be better, have a rough day
.......at which point I just walked away.
I think he's finally starting to get the message that I don't like him, but seriously, who was he talking to? I was the only person in the room, I didn't ask him how he was an yet he told me anyway......either that or I blacked out for a second or two and asked him.....but I highly doubt that was the case. Fuck it though, I'm trying to avoid the fucker as much as I can, seems to be working. The strange thing is that me and the other two housemates get on fine, but no-one can figure this guy out, it's really bizarre. We also think he's loaded on a spring because any time he hear's you in a communal area, he's out of his room quicker than you can imagine and trying to start a conversation. Grrr.
But anyway.....the good news is that I have fully gotten over Jodi now, yey. I've been fully over her for about a month or two now and got a lot off of my chest in a recent rant on a forum that we both post on. I haven't read the subsequent replies because I know exactly what they will say. I just needed to get it off my chest because her behaviour since the end of the friendship was beyond a joke, and for someone who seems to think I am trying to lie to myself with regards to what happened, it's funny that she is the one constantly making up lies about me to other people. But you know what? Fuck her! Sick of pretending I give a shit anymore. I got it off my chest and moved on.
In other news, an exciting opportunity may be coming my way soon. I can't go into what it is yet but believe me, it's an opportunity that could easily change my life. In terms of the part time job at the pub that I can't name due to my terms and conditions, after coming close to quitting several times, I have gotten into a bit of a "meh" attitude towards it, realising that I need the money so I shouldn't really complain. I'm enjoying most of the company there, especially since my old friend Matt started there. I've known Matt since I was 11 and we can have a laugh on shift, although both of us realise that we need to get the work done first before having a laugh......I wish everyone had that attitude.
Infact, I'm going to have a bit of a moan. I hate people who don't pull their weight. At every job I've had I've worked closely with someone who hasn't been doing their job properly because they either couldn't be bothered, were too incompetent to do it properly or thought that them having a chat was more important. I'm not going to name names (mainly because me and the said people have a lot of mutual friends and it would just cause far too many problems) but it really does fuck me off. The worst part about it is that nothing is ever done about it. I work my arse off and get fuck all recognition back, and yet they do precisely fuck all and get more praise than I do. What the fuck is all that about?
However, I am going to end this blog on a positive note and talk about friends, or to be more precise, those that have stuck with me throughout the years, through the good and bad times. It's strange that these people are the ones that have known the longest about me wanting to become female and yet each friendship has grown stronger since I outed myself. I would have thought that it would have been the friends who weren't as close before that would get closer, but I was wrong.
I've also made a few new friends since I came out, some who are transgendered themselves, right to people who have never even met me but read my blog and wanted to be friends, so sent me a Facebook request or followed me on Twitter. It's quite bizarre really that I have all these people in my contacts list that want to be my friend but I have no idea who they are. One or two I have gotten to know a bit, some others I've barely said hello to.
So yeah, that's it as far as an update goes. I lead quite a boring life.
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