Being blinded by pure emotion and desire

Hello all

As many of the regular readers of this blog know, I have been keen to move to America or Canada for some time now, however, after recent events I have decided to re-assess my life on several levels and I have decided that moving to either one of the aforementioned countries isn't for me, at least not at this stage during my life.

To be honest I was going to be moving for all of the wrong reasons. I fell in love and that love blinded me and caused me to be deluded into ignoring pure hard facts. Once you fall out with someone, you soon start realising just how much you had misjudged everything and if anything, I'm only just recovering because I realise that I have put the last year of my life effectively on hold. I have wasted one year of my life chasing something that I didn't really want.

That's not to say that I don't want to visit either America or Canada, I'd love to go there for a few weeks, but not to move there permanently. At the moment I am just going to concentrate on fulfilling some life goals, which some of you who read this will know about, and the rest will know in what will hopefully be the near future. This has caused me to actually re-assess some relationships I have with people and as the below song says, it turns out that I have everything I need right here.

I would stress that when I saw that band live (they were supporting Bowling for Soup) the fact fuck of a drummer decided it would be a good idea to lob a broken drumstick into the crowd....and guess who's face got in the way.

In recent weeks some of my relationships with people at work have changed and to be more precise, my life now feels like it's going full steam ahead. Although I won't get into full details, I can't thank Amy, Becky, Claire and Layla enough for their help in the last few weeks, especially Layla who has made me feel right at ease with a certain issue, or at least more at ease than I was. I feel especially bad to Amy as I have been far from pleasent to her on many occasions and yet she has always find the time to help me which various issues. God knows why she continued to do so when I treated her life shit, she didn't deserve it.

I think for now I am satisfied with life in England and now, for the first time in ages I have a plan for the next few years. That's another thing that re-assessing had done, after I fell in love I abandoned all plans and as I say, my life effectively got put on hold and now it's time to make up for lost time. I am on the verge of moving to Newark (where I work) and after that I think my real life can finally begin, a life I have waited 27 years for.

As I say, I will let you all know what I am actually going on about when the time is right, which is hopefully in the very near future.

For the first time in a long time, I can say that I am happy with how things are, I just wish I hadn't wasted the last year. I regret wasting my time on people who weren't good for me. I regret treating people like shit and I hope one day those people can fully forgive me. I regret that I wasn't a good friend to Amy, Becky, Claire or Layla before hand because they are four awesome ladies, and most of all I regret that it has taken me all this time to get to be on the verge of where I want to be and whom I want to become.

I'm far from perfect, but I'm working on it :).


Anyway, until next time, peace out!