A shadow of my former self

Hello all

It's St Valentine's Day and yet again I have had precisely zero people show me any kind of attention in that way, not that I'm that bothered though. I accepted long ago that I'm probably never going to find that person to spend the rest of my life with and I can cope with that, although it would be nice.

But enough of the love stuff, this blog isn't about the love of another, whether it be returned or not, this blog is about change, or more to the point how I have changed in recent years.

I'll start with football. I used to be obsessed with football and it used to be the only thing I ever spoke about on Facebook. Tonight I was sat watching Lincoln City vs Braintree and the Imps scored three goals, but not once did I celebrate. I didn't cheer, say "yes", throw my arms up in the air or even move. I just sat there completely still. It's a far cry from a few years ago when I use to go mental whenever the Imps scored, or at least I celebrated, now I feel no emotion when City score. I don't get angry when they concede and I just simply don't actually care anymore.

I have stopped caring about the football team I go and watch. Although I still go to games on a regular basis, I can count how many times I actually give a shit on one hand. Now I am just ambivalent towards the whole thing and I am very quickly falling out of love with football. I even didn't give a shit when I was watching Man United vs Liverpool last week, and Manchester United are a team I have supported since the late 80s.....the vast majority of my life.

If I do end up moving to either America or Canada then my love of football might return as it's quite small out there, but for not I am struggling to rouse my emotions to more than ambivalence....and failing miserably.

So away from football, let's go onto music. Everyone knows I am a fan of rock music and that I absolutely detest R&B/Hip Hop, all that usual commercial bollocks that you would hear on Radio 1. I moved to Nottingham in 2008 before that you wouldn't have seen me dead with anything other than rock on my MP3 player, other than the occasional chillout music by Lene Marlin or Sigur Ross. Since 2008 it's been a different matter.

The easiest way I can put this into context is give you a glimpse into my Top 25 songs on iTunes. I recently gained a new laptop so all of these songs have been gaining their counts since then, whereas previously it would have been going back several years....but here is that Top 25.

1) Freedom Fighters by Two Steps from Hell
2) Gloria by Canterbury
3) Forever by The Churned (music from the Yeo Valley adverts)
4) Hurt by Johnny Cash
5) Roter Sand by Rammstein
6) Down with the Sickness by Richard Cheese
7) Fruhling in Paris by Rammstein
8) Raconte-moi une histoire by M83
9) Up all Night by Blink 182
10) Where is my Mind by Yoav and Emily Browning
11) After Midnight by Blink 182
12) Flown Away by Lene Marlin
13) Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus
14) To the Stars by Randy Edelman
15) Gone Too Soon by Simple Plan
16) Jet Lag by Simple Plan
17) Gold Forever by The Wanted

18) Mind Heist by Zack Hemsey
19) No It Isn't by +44
20) Move Along by All-American Rejects
21) What the Hell by Avril Lavinge
22) Times They Are A Changing by Bob Dylan
23) Parachutes by Charlie Simpson
24) No Ordinary Morning by Chicane
25) Punching in a Dream by The Naked and Famous

So in other words, 10 rock songs, 3 classical, 3 dance (or dance-like), 1 lounge, 4 pop, 3 acoustic and I can't figure out which song I have missed but you get the idea.

Four years ago that list would have been full of Rammstein, Linkin Park and various others, I wouldn't even dream of having dance like songs on there.

And finally, my friends. A few years ago I would add virtually anyone to Facebook and accumulated a list of 550 or so friends on there, now that same account is down to just over 130 and I don't accept 90% of the friend requests I receieve, and now I am using another account that I have that has seven people on there, the seven people who I trust....well I say seven, one of them is literally never on there and hasn't posted since last March.

So am I shadow of my former self or have I evolved into a completely different person all together, time will tell.