Why do I even bother anymore?

Hello all

As many of you know, I have been undergoing a bit of a life-changing period recently, effectively a mid-life crisis at the age of 27. I've changed various things about my life. I've given up life goals, I've dropped a lot of people off out of my life, I've gone on a diet and various minor things, but one of the major things I have started to seriously question is my frequent appearances at football matches.




In recent months I have been really falling out of love with the team I support (and I'm not even sure I can use that word anymore) and go to watch on a regular basis, Lincoln City. To give you a bit of a back story, I started going to watch them on a regular basis in 2000 and the last game I missed was in August 2005. I used to love going, I ran a website and a Youtube channel about them, I loved it and for lack of a better word, I was obsessed. It consumed my every thought and that's not really an exaggeration.

I would spend my days at work contemplating recent results and upcoming fixtures, and on the odd occasion I would go though the fixtures of every team in the division and write an article on the aforementioned website about how I thought EVERY SINGLE FIXTURE would go......that took a long time.

I was proud of my football team. I was proud when we twice came from two goals behind against Premiership side Fulham (for those unaware of the footballing structure in England, the Premiership is the top division and where Lincoln were at the time was known as League Two, the fourth division, meaning we were three divisions below them) in a cup competition. Not to forget the Playoff Final in 2002/3 after being the pre-season favourites for relegation, or winning 5-0 at Barnet one week and then 7-1 at home to Rochdale the next. But those days have long gone.

After years of being pretty crap, the Imps were finally relegated to the Blue Square Premier in May and the standard of football fell so much that it has become a bit of a chore following the team. Don't let the traditional non-league sides fool you, there is a BIG gap in quality between the League Two and the Blue Square Premier. The quality of the football may not be great at League Two, but it is like watching the World Cup every week compared to the Blue Square Premier. Despite this I have stuck with them throughout the season, which is more than a lot of people can say, however, I no longer enjoy it, I don't even celebrate when City score, I don't complain when they concede, I am ambivalent.

Then last week I was asked an interesting question by a guy called Nick, who has been watching the games far, far longer than I have....and that question was "Why do we put ourselves through this?" and I just started thinking about it and it dawned on me that I don't really enjoy going anymore. Home games aren't so bad as at least I'm only a mile or so away from my house, but the away games see hours and hours of travelling to then sit/stand in a shitty ground, watching crappy football and getting stressed for 90 minutes, invariably in the cold and is generally the case these days, losing, before then returning home exhausted.



Toronto FC - My future team?

 "Armchair" fans get a lot of criticism but to be honest I am starting to see why a lot of people now stay away from Lincoln games. It's no longer enjoyable and I can't really recall the last time I was satisfied with what I was seeing. Going into every game expecting to lose is a horrible thing and the strange thing about football is that you can always get used to losing but you never quite get used to losing. I alway find myself going into games hoping for the best and then being inevitably disappointed.

People say that it doesn't make me a very good fan if I only enjoy it when we're winning games, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to win. There's nothing wrong with growing disinterested with a team that rarely entertains and hasn't entertained for a LONG time.

Maybe this all has something to do with my desire to move away from the UK. I am still looking at going to either America or Canada and have a few interviews lined up, including in Toronto, and they have a football, sorry, soccer team (the ever imaginatively named Toronto FC), so when/if I move over there I might re-discover my love of the sport, but for now I think my passion of recent years has gone.

I know one thing for sure, if I do end up moving to America or Canada, I may pick up the accent and I may adopt the different way of life, but I know I'd never get used to calling it soccer.

To end this article, here are the "Best Of" videos from the end of each season that I used to do on Youtube. I thought these were awesome when I originally did them....but they're not that good looking at them now.