Lost......again - No love, no hope, no glory, no happy ending?

Oh yes people, it's that time again, me to have a bit of a moan about me not having a clue what I want to do with the rest of my life again.

I've refered to it a few times throughout this blog but before July I knew exactly what I wanted in my life, I knew how I wanted to spend the rest of my days and I was content with where my life was heading then July 2011 came. During those 31 days my life changed considerably. I basically destroyed my ankle, meaning I had to retire from playing football, I went out of the UK for the first time in ages and I had a conversation with one of my best friends that changed my life, and it was the latter two that were the the prompt for my journey into a void of uncertainty.

All I've effectively done since then it try (being the key word in this sentence) and reassess my life. I no longer have anything keeping me here. I don't actually care that much about the local football club, so much to the point where I don't even react when we score, I just stand/sit there and don't clap and/or cheer, I am just past caring. I'm not close to a single member of my family, so much to the point where the closest thing I have to a family that I can communicate with properly are my best friends, and they all live in another continent.

Toronto - My future home?

This has probably seen me annoy these friends to hell as when I feel close to someone, I get a bit over-enthusiastic and I know I can test their patience quite a bit. These are pretty much the only people I care about. As harsh as it sounds, I genuinely couldn't give a shit about anyone other than about 5/6 people. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of acquaintences, but not many friends, and the fact the most of the friends I do have live in other countries, is one of the reasons why I am considering leaving.

I did recently get offered a job in America but didn't take it for various reasons but I would still like to move over to America or Canada at some point in my life, so much to the point where I have started applying for lots of jobs over there in various cities, mostly on this side of the Atlantic. I've applied for jobs in New York, Washington, Toronto, Ottawa and Burlington, amongst many others.... I found it unusual that in the latter three are all based in Ontario in Canada, an area where there are more English in the population than Canadians, how's that for a random fact. I think there's about 35 towns/cities in the right hand side of America and Canada where my CV (resume to any Americans and Canadians reading this) is currently in circulation.

Why can't life ever be simple?

I suppose whilst I'm talking about things where I don't know what I want to do properly, I might as well talk about something which I definitely have no control over, love. I've always been prone to fallen for people on a regular basis but the feeling has virtually never been recipricated with the same feelings.

I'm coming up on 27 and a half and in that whole time I have been not been in the relationship status of "single" for precisely 2 weeks and 6 days, spread across two girlfriends. Yes, throughout my entire live I have only ever dated two girls.

Don't get me wrong, I can survive being single, afterall I've been single for all but just shy of three weeks of my life, but it would be nice to have at least one serious relationship at some point during my life.

I did recently tell a girl I loved her and it wasn't recipricated, but I don't even know why I told her to be honest. I wasn't expecting anything to happen because of several factors, but it was nice to get it off my chest as the feeling had been building for quite some time. I suppose I'm lucky that me and this person had been friends for a long time because if it was someone who I had only just met then the chances of us communicating afterwards would be quite slim.

To be honest I'm not even entirely sure why I'm complaining about love, I suppose I would have to go outside and be socialable to meet someone. I can't remember the last time I went on a night out with friends and tried to meet someone. I suppose that would help.

You know what, I can't be bothered to moan anymore so will leave it there.

Later people.