It's been a while

Hello all

I trust all is well?

It's been a while since I gave an update really with what's happening, so for those that give a shit, here it is.

So where to begin? Well let's go with work. As well as my job at a well known telecommunications company (I'm not sure if I'm actually allowed to mention who it is, but I'd rather not risk it), I now work at a pub in the evenings and that's certainly been a baptism of fire. I don't drink myself and it's been a while since I was serving people face to face, and given I haven't actually been probably trained (was just put at a till and told to serve people), it's certainly been an interesting few shifts there so far.

It's been a struggle if I'm honest because I'm not used to asking questions on how to do things. I know my day-job pretty much inside out having been in my specific department since it's beginning in 2009, so to go from an environment where I am confident in what I am doing and saying, to a place where I know precisely sod all, is something I don't enjoy. Don't get me wrong, it's learning new skills and everything, so it's good, but it's taking a while to get used to asking questions.

Other than that I do enjoy the job, it's a good chance to meet new people and start with a blank slate. As I didn't know a single person that worked there, no-one had any preconceptions about me, I can just get on with my job and share as much or as little information as I want. Infact, I've been very careful not to reveal too much about myself in the eight days I've been working there at the time of writing......I've made the mistake in the past of letting people I've only known for a few days know some pretty personal information about me.....but not this time.

My England vs France ticket....given that I'm not using it, it is now effectively a useless but of paper.

So, on from something new to something which has gone out of the window and that is me going to the Ukraine. I had tickets for the England vs France game in Donetsk and I still wanted to go, but the apparant danger, expensive flights and lack of a hotel within 20 miles that has spaces has just seen my interest disappear, so I am not going to bother with it. It's just not worth it for 90 minutes worth of football.

Infact, I'm not missing football at all now. Yes, I'll watch the Euros, when I'm not at work anyway.....but other than that I'm not that fussed. Over the last few years I have fallen a bit out of love with football, and I'm not in a hurry to get my new season ticket at Sincil Bank for next year.....I will get one, but not that fussed about it. I'm not even going to any friendlies with the exception of Eastwood Town, which is a place I've wanted to go for some time. I had a job interview there whilst I lived in Nottingham, and I have kept an eye on their results since. Other than that I have no plans to go to any other friendlies....and given that one is only 3 miles away in Collingham, it says it all. When I can't be bothered to travel from Newark to Collingham, it tells it's own story.

And that leads me neatly onto living Newark. It's ok, I do like it surprisingly. There's not a lot to do but it's quite an interesting place to live surprisingly. I live near enough in the town centre and because of this I hear all of the drunks after their nights out...some of them shouting at the top of their voices.....you'd be amazed what I hear during the night.

It's not to hear a lot though, my flat only has one layer in it's windows, so I can hear virtually everything.....so when the Morrisons delivery truck drives by at 5:45 EVERY SINGLE SODDING MORNING, I sure as hell know about it. It's kind of strange because I like two floors up, and yet because of all the sounds getting through the thin windows, it sounds like I'm on the ground floor, oh well.

I still haven't met three of the other four tenants of the building. The other person is a bloke from Birmingham who I've spoken to twice. As far as I know the flat opposite me has a married couple in it, the only below me belongs to a girl in her mid-20s. I know what she looks like having arrived in the building about 20 seconds after she did and walking by her door (whilst she was trying to get in) as I was walking to mine. The final guy lives on the bottom floor and this mother-fuckers seems to think it's ok for him to use my bins. The garbage truck came by last week and I went to put my trash can out....and that fucker had put all of his Stella bottles in my bin....I took them out and left them on a box outside of his door. FUCK YOU, IT'S MY BIN!!!!

I guess I can't really class myself as young now that I'm complaining about someone else using my bin and as I mentioned in another blog, I am certainly starting to mellow out. Stuff that used to bug me really doesn't anymore. When I say stuff, it was very petulant stuff as well, it wasn't even worth worrying about and yet I did, it was insane. Now I'm far more chilled out and I think my boss at the telecommunications company helped in that as she has basically taught me that there's no point in getting upset over stuff I have no control over. As Jodi used to say "It is what it is."

That leads me neatly onto Miss Wilde. It's now been eleven weeks since me and her stopped being friends and it's kind of strange because I can't really shake thinking about the situtation and how it all came about, but I'm glad it did. I am now a far stronger person because of it and what it has taught me is not to put too much emotional dependance on one person. I did it with Marinda (Maz) and I did it with Jodi, I'm never going to make that mistake again because that emotional dependance on someone eventually crippled everything that made those respective friendships work.

Me and Jodi were friends for 10 or so years and to be fair for the majority it worked very well. We would talk for a few hours every day for a few days and then it would be two/three months worth of silence, but then all of a sudden last July we had a discussion and I don't know what happened, I think I fell in love with her, and unlike previous occasions, she was online nearly every day, meaning I didn't have the two/three month gaps to get over those feelings.

I became so emotionally dependant on Jodi that it became inevitable it would become too much for her and you know what they say, familiarity breeds contempt and to be honest, I think she probably hated me for a while before we eventually stopped being friends. The fact she stopped even asking how I was makes me obvious that that was the case, but would I change how I acted ? Would I try and stop myself from falling in love with her? No. As I say, I am a far stronger person now because of this experience, and it's just a pity I had to put someone else through shit for me to make this epiphany.

As I say, I'm no longer sad about what happened with Jodi, it happened and there's nothing I can do to change that. I accepted pretty early after the argument  that me and her will probably never be friends again and I'm cool with that. I've been cool with it all along but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about the argument or the friendship I had with her, but I look back now without regret. I'm not saying I hate Jodi, far from it, but I certainly got over the feelings of love and as I say, I am stronger for the experience of the last three months.

I'm not sure if Jodi still reads this blog as the hits from Canada have seriously declined since our friendship ended, but if you are reading this Jodi, I hope you have a good life and I hope you find happiness.

Anyway, so what else is there to talk about? Not a lot really, so I'm going to leave it there.

Peace out!