Hormones, Quotes, Places and Seeking a Friend

Hello all

Due to several people requesting it, I have decided to write a blog about how life is treating me.

Well I suppose I should start with the obvious major part of my life at the moment and that's changing gender. It's March 4th and today marks three months since I started on hormones. It's been an interesting few months with various changes going on already. Whilst I won't claim to have changes that people can notice, there are one or two things that have started. Breasts are starting to come through but strangely their size seems to be affected by the temperature. If it's normal room temperature then you can see a difference and a definite early breast formation, if it's cold then it seems to disappear, it's quite strange in many ways.

Me as I appear after three months on hormones

There have been minor other changes as well. My hair is now growing at a much faster rate and body hair certainly seems to have lowered, with bits I shave off not coming back in as much quantity as before. I have also had more facial hair removed, well, I'll reclarify that, I had the upper lip area redone. I was advised after the first time that some of the hair would grow back....and about 1/4 of it did, I subsequently had that removed, although after the previous attempt left me in tears (literally) due to going pain free, I definitely took the injections this time....it made things a lot easier to say the least.

Other than that things are pretty much the same with changing gender. It's a long process and I'm still at the start so major change at the moment isn't to be expected really.

Away from changing gender and I'm still looking for something I can be passionate about, you know, that thing that I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm 28 and still don't know what I want to do, some say that's a good thing, other's say it's a bad thing. I think the below quote sums it up at the moment......

"I want to wake up every morning with apassion; I want to wake up with a smile on  my face; and be able to say I love what I do" - Paul Miser


I think once I am doing changing gender that I might take a year out from everything and go and see the world. I want to expand my horizons whilst I'm still young and I can't do that staying in England. It will all start in less than 3 months when I go to Barcelona for a few days, and are plenty of places that I want to have on my "visited" list in the coming years, that list still includes Tromso (Norway) and I intend to visit there within the next 12 months or so.

Speaking of other places, I recently went to a Yellowcard concert in Manchester and whilst I didn't enjoy it, I did actually meet two new friends outside of the venue, Martha and Elizabeth. It was a really strange experience talking to those girls as they said that they live on the outskirts of Manchester but were staying in a hotel for the night. It was just part of a three hour spell talking to them where they kept hitting each other, encouraging each other go and get food and numerous other things, it was quite amusing and definitely helped to pass the time.

Their friendship got me thinking though. I started thinking that it would be nice to be able to go to places, such as concerts, with a friend. Since I moved to Newark eleven months ago, I have failed to make a single friend that wasn't involved with either of my employees. I don't view colleagues as true friends, and I don't mean that in a harsh way, and to use another quote.....

"The people you work with are people you were just throw together with. You know, you don't know them, it wasn't your choice, and yet you spend more time with them then you do your friends or your family. But probably all you've got in common is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for 8 hours a day" - Tim (The Office)

.....I look at all of the people I work with, and have worked with throughout time, and there are probably two people that I have met through work that I hang out with when I'm not at work on a semi regular basis, Charlie and Ellen, who are arguably my two closest friends....neither of them live anywhere near Newark. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of friends who I have worked with, but how many I hang out with on a regular basis is not a high number at all. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want a friend who I can just hang out with on a regular basis, someone who I can go to concerts with, hang out and play pool with, and so on.

I suppose it links in with a film I saw recently called "Seeking A Friend For the End of the World." It just got me thinking about friends and if a situation happened of a similar nature, how many people would want to hang out with me at some point? I came to the conclusion that the answer would be "not many, if any"....not that it bothers me to an extent, but as I say it'd just be nice to have someone who I could see on a regular basis that I have a lot in common with.

I did contemplate moving to Leeds recently so that I could see Ellen or Charlie on a more regular basis, which would be awesome, and you never know, maybe that's a change I need in life. The happiest time of my life was when I was able to mix work and social life. It was the only time when I can say that I was truly socialable every single day.

Oh well, I suppose I should leave this there and let you get on with the rest of your evening, so until next time, peace out.