Change one thing, change everything : A humbling week

Hello all

As you all saw in my last blog entry, I announced on various formats that I have the intention of becoming female and since then the reaction has been astonishing.

The reaction of my friends left me feeling overwhelmed with support and I'd like to share with you the reactions I got on Facebook, most of those who posted didn't know before hand that I have the intention of completing a sex change, which made their reactions all the more special. To be honest I wasn't actually that nervous about the reaction of friends, because if they didn't react well then it showed that they weren't truly a friend, but even then it was lovely to see them all behind me.

It takes a lot to humble me these days but all of those people certainly did that, and not to mention all of those who knew before hand who had supported me all the way through. The best part about this is that everyone has said that I seem a lot happier since it all came out into the open and since I started living as a woman, and that says to not only them, but to me also that this is definitely the right thing for me. I had always been worried that I was a bit too laid back to be taken seriously when it came to wanting to be female. I've never thought of myself as overly feminine but since I outed myself I have suddenly felt a great release and just felt free, and people have noticed I am, to quote someone at work, "considerably more camp than usual".

On Wednesday I had three girls I work with mock me (not in an offensive way) because I was theatrically miming to the songs I was listening to, something which one of them said "would never have happened a week ago". In a way that was one of the best things that has been said to me since I came out to everyone because it means that the act has been dropped, the arsehole that was Nathan Jackson has gone.

However, the most humbling moment of the week came this afternoon as I was getting on with my work. All of a sudden there is a young lady at my desk and she said she had read my blog entry about how I got to want to be female and loved it (hello by the way if you're reading this). After a brief conversation we had the following conversation over the internal messaging system.......

I really didn't know what to do following that. To be told I am inspiring is one of the most humbling and nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I mean considering it took me 27 years to inspire myself to finally start becoming the person who I want to be, to be told I am an inspiration is one of the most overwhelming things anyone has ever said to me. I mean I don't think I've done anything special, all I've done is do what I need to do for myself, but if that inspires others than that is awesome. I won't claim to be someone who will actively seek praise, but to receive that sort of comment from someone who I had only met about 10 minutes before hand was one of the most crazily awesome things I've ever had said to me.

I'm not going to lie though and say that this week hasn't had it's difficulties.



With a busted hand I have struggled to get ready in the morning, and I've realised now that there will be times where I have taken care with make up, putting my wig out, picking the right outfit, etc, only to have the image ruined by facial hair. I've shaved 4 times in 4 days but the problem with the stubble being short is that I have a shadow but the razor can't actually reach the hairs to trim them, meaning I am walking around with a noticable beard (if you look closely enough).

Until I actually have facial hair removed by those ever fun lazers, I am stuck with the occasional beard growth. I have bought some hair removal creams to tackle the issue, so hopefully that will come off, or alternatively might get the facial hair waxed off......along with a lot of other hair because I can assure all you guys out there, removing hair from legs, chest, stomach, underarms, arms and face takes a bloody long time.



It's a good thing I knew before-hand that I would still
look like a bloke in drag.



Then, of course, came the abuse. Now, I'm pretty immune to the abuse now, although it's still not nice, and when walking home on Wednesday I got random people in cars shouting stuff at me such as "Are you actually a girl?" and "Faggot" as they drove by. Fortunately I am strong enough that it doesn't bother me at all and the way I look at it is that if you're so insecure that they only feel they can criticise me from afar then they dont' even deserve to be a glimmer on my memory. They haven't opened their mind to different and lead a sheltered life. I am not saddened by their insults, I pity them for their lack of an open mind when it comes to others.

The reaction at work has been generally a good one, although obviously there have been people from other departments who haven't been told. They just see a guy, who is six foot tall and built like a rugby player, going around dressed in womens clothing. Apparantly some of them thought I was doing it for charity at first and only after a variety of methods of finding out what is actually going on, have they actually bothered to ask. It doesn't bother me, none of them were abusive or anything, but some of their guesses as to what I was actually doing were actually quite amusing.

And finally, I'm going to leave you with a video that I made for my subscribers on Youtube that not only shows how much I've changed in terms of appearance (obviously), but in temper. I used to get angry all of the time but in recent years I have mellowed out, so this video is great because it shows how far I've come from being the arsehole that I used to be.

So until next time people, peace out :)